Reeling from the nomination as the #1 Party School in the nation, students at The University of Texas are hard at work peeing on street corners, throwing up during class and passing out on the steps of The Church of Scientology.

And in recent years, we've been lucky enough to have a record of these acts, thanks to the folks over at the UT Police Department. The boys in blue release a bi-weekly campus-watch newsletter that, tinged with a bit of comedic satire, and made public in compliance with the Jeanne Clery Disclosure of Campus Security Policy and Campus Crime Statistics Act, adds to our safety and amusement. You can subscribe to their bi-weekly newsletter by clicking here.

Since the beginning of classes, UTPD has responded to the following:

• 30 Collisions
  
• 49 Medical Emergencies
  
• 69 Suspicious Activity Reports
  
• 177 Unsecured Door Reports
  
• 969 Alarm Calls
  

Classes kicked off only a month ago, and look what your future leaders of Austin have produced: heavy hitters include MICs, MIPs, PIs, DUIs, and various marijuana-related crimes. If the students keep up their good work, we'll keep you updated. For now, check our handpicked Top 5 after the jump.

Photo by Max Shirley on flickr

NUMBER FIVE
2700 Guadalupe - Public Intoxication: An officer observed two male subjects enter the crosswalk, crossing Guadalupe St. at 27th St., after the do not walk sign was showing. One of the subjects was staggering in the crosswalk as he attempted to cross Guadalupe St. The light turned green for on-coming traffic to proceed and the subject stopped and looked at the traffic and raised his hands in an aggressive manor. One of the vehicles honked and he presented the obscene gesture of the middle finger - directing it toward the car. The subject slowly walked to the sidewalk and continued northbound on Guadalupe St. The subject was stopped in the 2700 block of Guadalupe St. He had glassy, bloodshot eyes, with a moderate smell of alcohol on his breath, slurred speech and was swaying as he attempted to explain were he was going. He stated he was going to 45th St and Guadalupe St. via a bus. Capital Metro buses stop running at midnight. He had 20 more blocks to travel. The subject was taken into custody and transported and released to Central Booking.8-31-06, at 2:20 AM.

NUMBER FOUR
Frank Denius Practice Field - Suspicious Activity: Two non-UT subjects were discovered attempting to climb on top of the [practice field's] inflatable dome. When stopped, both subjects stated they had climbed the brick wall hoping the dome was "squishy", and were disappointed when they found out it was not "squishy." Both subjects were issued a criminal trespass warning and escorted from the area. 9-22-06, at 8:56 PM.

NUMBER THREE
Mike Myers Soccer Stadium - Burglary of Coin-Operated Machine: A Tampax coin-operated machine was discovered pried open and the entire product was removed. Loss value: Unknown at this time. 9-04-06, at 4:11 PM.

NUMBER TWO
2600 Block of San Jacinto - Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor: A UT student was observed staggering and stumbling as she walked. The subject was being assisted by another UT student. During the investigation, the officer requested from both students their State issued driver's license. The stumbling student stated that she did not carry hers for fear of losing it. During the investigation, officer requested several time for the student to spell and re-spell her name since he had a hard time understanding her. The stumbling, staggering student handed the officer her driver's license and said, "See this is how it is spelled." The student was issued a field release citation for Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor after the officer determined that she was under the legal age of 21. 9-16-06 at 12:30 AM.

NUMBER ONE
2600 Block of San Jacinto - Public intoxication: A UT student was discovered passed out on the grassy area next to the Animal Resource Center. The subject was wearing a green leotard outfit with his underwear worn on the outside of his leotards. The subject wore red lip stick to simulate an over-sized mouth. The subject had a very strong odor of alcohol on his breath. When the officer attempted to wake him up, the subject rolled over and put a finger to his lips and made a "Shhhhhhh" sound, then rolled back over. During the investigation, the subject appeared to be confused as to where he was or who he was. He explained to the officer that he was a crocodile. The officer observed that the subject was having difficulty standing and maintaining his balance, as well as having difficulty answering questions. The subject was taken into custody for Public Intoxication and transported to Central Booking. 9-16-06 at 1:20 AM.